Every celebration of a sacrament is a moment for evangelisation. The post Vatican II Church encouraged a revitalization of the sacraments by celebrating them in the context of the vernacular Mass. In the midst of the gathered community, the words of scripture were shared and homilies given. These significant moments were marked by parent-preparation meetings, special dress for the recipients, new forms of active participation, the giving of certificates at receptions in the parish hall, all under the watchful gaze of the cameras, videos, and other photographic devices. This was especially true of the sacraments of Initiation. A culture of 'catholicity' evolved in which everyone could point to these moments of transition as proof that they had indeed been "raised a Catholic". We became so involved in the milestone markers that we did not notice what we were missing on the journey.

In the years following Vatican II, families, schools and parishes had to adjust to many changes in the format and timing of sacramental celebrations. Large celebrations of "First Communion" and Confirmation set the pattern. In time, similar patterns were suggested for celebrations of the first reception of Sacrament of Reconciliation. Teachers were asked to keep everyone informed about the changes by hosting meetings with the parents. In the classroom, they taught the children methods of confessing. In preparation for the celebrations, teachers trained the child lectors for the reading of age-appropriate scriptures; led group songs about light and darkness with symbolic gestures and acted as master of ceremonies at the receptions that followed. In some parishes, it was also the responsibility of the teacher to make sure that there were enough priests present to hear the confessions of all the children. Everyone's attention shifted to the practices which pointed all efforts in the direction of the child. Throughout this time conscientious efforts were made to fill the mandate of the schools and the parish but little or no attention was paid to the role of the parents. What was being done was good, but today we need to ask if it was sufficient. A whole generation of children passed through the sacramental rituals under the watchful gaze of teachers, priests and adoring parents. We were so attentive to teaching the changes that we did not notice the "un-learning" that was happening. Add to all of this the experimental conjoining of Parish Penitential Services to that which came to be known as "General Absolution" and it becomes apparent that auricular confessions had, in some measure, become a rite of passage for pre-adolescents.

In recent years, parents have been invited to get more involved with the actual practical training of their children in home-based learning. Schools shifted their role to the "Remote" training of the child. Parishes did the "Immediate" training and parents were expected to do "Proximate" training. Parents have found this to be a difficult shift for several reasons. Some parents say that this is the reason why they sent their child to a Catholic School in the first place. They want the professionals to do the task. Some feel awkward discussing religion with their child since many were not practicing on a regular basis. Others find themselves in common-law marriages or single-parent situations or in second marriages that are not blessed by the Church. Add to this the insecurity some feel because their own knowledge of the faith is limited to personal childhood experiences two decades earlier, and we can understand their fear and trepidation at being invited to enter such a process.

Large group celebrations of the Sacrament of Reconciliation are comforting in that they mask the problems some parents are experiencing in their personal life. Unfortunately, in order for the child to become a practitioner of the faith, the family must choose to practice. If the family has need of resolution to some very deep personal problems, they will not practice where they are not totally accepted. Sadly, the current socio-religious culture in which many of these young parents move supports the non-involvement in organized religion. If the child is initiated to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but only as an experience in the context of Grade Three, then it runs the risk of being viewed as a "school-event" rather than a lifestyle lesson for practicing Catholics.

What can be done to help the parents and the children with the great Sacrament of Reconciliation?

Several goals need to be established:

Create an atmosphere of adult learning for the parents so as to re-evangelize their practice of the sacrament.

Create an inter-generational learning session so that children realize that the sacrament is part of their family's way of life.

Provide learning materials that address some of the issues listed above, not as part of the sacrament per se but as part of on going reconciliation within the church community.

Celebrate the sacrament in a family friendly environment.

How might we celebrate the Sacrament in a manner that enables the parents to assume their role convincingly?

One solution to this situation is as follows:

Shift the parent's meeting away from a "how-to" session to a full teaching on the theology of the sacrament and its place in the on-going life of the practicing Catholic.

Involve the parents in the learning dynamic when the children are present. Allow the parents to tell their story to their own child. Let them demonstrate their openness to the sacrament by taking the child on a tour of the Church and the Reconciliation Room.

Celebrate the Sacrament in a family Context rather than a school event. Encourage the families to come to the parish church during the regular time for "confessions" such as Saturday afternoon. (Families can pick and choose a date and time that is convenient for them rather than be thrown into a big parish event. Five families require about one hour of the pastor's time.)

Celebrating in a Family context:

The child arrives at the Church on a Saturday afternoon with their parents, brothers and sisters.

If there are others waiting for the sacrament, the parents can explain to the child that this is not just for children.

The parents take their turn coming to see the priest. In this way they model the sacrament for their child. The child sees them going in and closing the door. The child sees the comfort level of the parent who remains with them in the church. Together they pray for the one who is going to confession.

After the parents have both gone in to see the priest, they present their child for first confession and step out of the room.

When the child emerges from the room, the child is embraced by both parents and siblings.

Together, they may want to spend a few moments in prayer before going home.

Advantages to this method:

The child sees the parents go into the confessional. If the parents choose to actually make a confession, and have nothing impeding their reception of the sacrament, then they will receive an absolution. By going to confession, they teach by example and show their level of trust. Not infrequently, parents will say that it is years since they went to confession. Some might even be approaching the sacrament for the second time, the first being the day when they made their first confession.

In the event that the parent is not able to approach the sacrament for reasons connected to the form of marriage they are currently living, they still come in the confessional and ask for a blessing. If they say something like, "I need an annulment", the priest and pastor have the opportunity to initiate a dialogue on what may need to be done. This may be the last time they would ever approach a priest. If we miss this opportunity, we miss the opportunity to bring the whole family back to God.

The child learns by example that there is secrecy in the confessional. Nothing is said about what Mom and Dad talked about. The whole focus is on the child and the matter of their confession. On the other hand, if the child were to come in first, and then the parent, the child would probably sit in the church and worry that the priest is telling the parents what was said by them when they were in the confessional. For this reason, we always encourage the parents to come in first.

The family context allows the parents to show love, pride and open affection for their child in a manner with which they might not feel comfortable in a larger setting. They can be encouraged to hug each other to show their approval for what has been accomplished.

When the family is finished, they are free to leave as a group and celebrate in what ever manner they choose.

Certificates are not given out. The family is encouraged to pick a date sometime significant in the year when they can come back again.

Parents who do return to the sacrament often thank the pastor for offering the sacrament in this way because they realize they would have gone for years without the courage to approach confession again. Surprisingly, it is the fathers of the family who are most appreciative of the this method. Moments of deep conversion are not infrequent.

Families are less likely to bring a camera to a family event.

For the priest, the best sessions are those that lead a family through their marriage crisis to a renewed interest in practicing their faith.

This method supports the current practice of the Catholic Schools, affirms the role of the mother and father, and meets the needs of the particular parish. It is really a win-win-win-WIN; for parish, home, school, and GOD.

Father Al McMillan is the pastor of St. Andrew the Apostle